Of course

James Bowden

for Tanner

What a blessing it is that we’ve been taught
Not to reveal the true extent
Of those dangerous feelings
For then we’d face many more
Much more concrete
failures, rejections
No, we must be careful
Better to not know than to know what we want not
And thus even as I gaze at you
Swat the ball back and forth like a hot potato
We cannot bring ourselves to admit
That which we both know, both hope
And when I ask you to do
I expect nothing more than an
I guess
Sure
But in your eyes I see
That you have been waiting
For me
And I no longer need to hear it from your mouth
Those spheres tell a story fuller than you or I can claim to know
Pray we let it run its course
And suddenly we’re out of time
Those nights at the table over
As our sleepy eyes kiss goodbye once more
I cannot bring my body to convey
The part of me that breaks and leaves as you do
But it does nonetheless
Whether I tell you or not
And I know you’ll take good care of it
I hope.

---

I’m entertained, looking at this several years later, how much this reads like a romantic love poem of sorts when really it’s for an old best friend (a guy). I don’t mind it–in my mind, loving a friend is not far off from romantic love, at least in magnitude of connection.

It also reminds me of how many boys/men just don’t learn to have/acknowledge/communicate feelings (often learn only to repress them), even though I think this poem describes something beautiful that came about in part through that sad cultural phenomenon. I hope it continues to roll back, and I shall try to help however I can.