Poem Number Five on the Universal Approximation Theorem, or Son, You Can Be Anything You Want to Be!

James Bowden

Assuming you’ve sufficient neuronal complexity, a solid optimizer, either wealth or stochastic blessing, properly tuned hyperparameters, and enough time, oh, and an objective that is expressible and simple enough and continuous and differentiable everywhere, why, son, you can earn a living in any of 58 common professions enumerated in I’m Gonna Be, the song we sang at my elementary graduation.

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This series of poems was generally inspired in form by June Jordan’s short poem, “Poem Number Two on Bell’s Theorem, or The New Physicality of Long Distance Love”.
See “I’m Gonna Be”, an alright graduation song.